


Life, Love, and You

by hptriviachamp



Category: Atonement (2007), Atonement - Ian McEwan, The 39 Clues - Various Authors
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-06 19:41:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16839127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hptriviachamp/pseuds/hptriviachamp
Summary: He finds her alone in the library. In truth, when Amy came here, she was trying to escape him, but somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew this was the first place he would look if he wanted to find her. And from the moment he had entered the dining room- entered back into her life- she knew he wanted to find her again.





	Life, Love, and You

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on Christmas Day 2017 on fanfiction.net.

He finds her alone in the library. In truth, when Amy came here, she was trying to escape him, but somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew this was the first place he would look if he wanted to find her.

And from the moment he had entered the dining room- entered back into her life- she knew he wanted to find her again.

But nonetheless, she gasps and stands up, startled, when he utters her name sotto voce. The book in her hand drops to the floor.

"Ian." She lets out a breathy, nervous laugh. "You scared me."

He doesn't respond. Instead-

"You didn't stay after dinner." It's more of a statement than a question, but Amy finds herself nodding anyway.

"I- it was getting a bit much for me, so I thought I'd come here and-"

"-And read?" He finishes for her. "You always did like to escape into your books." She sees a ghost of a smile on his face as he takes notice of the book that's still at her feet.

" _ The Secret Garden _ ... how innocent." It's not mocking, the way he says it; it's almost regretful.

"It reminds me of before- all those better times..." Amy's voice trails off.

"They seem so far in the past," he says, and she knows he understands. "Do you remember how we were before the clue hunt- during it, even?"

Oh yes she remembers the clue hunt, before the loss of their innocence, when they were caught up in an adrenaline rush that they thought would never end. She remembers Korea and a collapsing cave and a whispered word before her first kiss was sweetly stolen from her just the way her heart was.

"It all seemed so much easier back then," she says wistfully, melancholy swiftly overtaking her.

"Was it though?" He peers at her curiously. "When we knew so little about... everything?"

_ The way we knew so little about the world. _

_ The way we knew so little about each other. _

The unspoken words linger in the air, making it suffocatingly heavy.

Amy feels breathless.

Suddenly, he takes a step towards her, his eyes looking into hers searchingly, as if he is looking- hoping for some indication of... something.

_ Anything _ .

"Why did you come back?" She asks. Half of her is curious, and another half just wants him to confront what they've been dancing around for so long, she's almost memorized the routine. But then there's yet another half of her that just wants to diffuse the suffocating tension that's building in the room.

It's more than a whole, but that's just the way he is, she realizes hopelessly. He consumes her.

When he takes yet another step closer, she steps back hastily, almost tripping over her own dress. It's a game of predator and prey that they're playing, but she's not exactly sure who the predator is, and who's the prey.

"You know why I came back." Another step closer.

"No," she insists, mustering the strength and taking a step forward, conscious that he is very close now. "Tell me the real reason."

"Do you really want to know?" He murmurs softly, almost dangerously as if he's warning her.

Does she really want to know? The truth is right in front of her, so close and frustratingly attractive- but no.

Instead, she takes another step back, but is now pressed entirely against the shelf, and she knows that all her defenses have failed her. There is a lump in her throat; from all the emotion she has hid away from the world, hid away from him, that's threatening to overtake her.

"I know," she manages to rasp out, admitting the burning secret she knew all along. "I know, but you knew so much before I did-" she gazes up at him, viridian fully meeting burnished amber, "-didn't you?"

It's the question that causes him to break.

"Yes, I know," he says roughly before crossing the space between them in a few fluent strides and pinning her arms to the shelf before deeply kissing her. She responds with equal, almost desperate fervor, as if they're racing against time itself.

In some ways, they are.

So she wraps her legs around him when she can no longer support herself, and he easily lifts her up to bring her even closer to him. One hand breaks free of his grip and reaches to cup his jaw, her thumb tracing his cheek all the while never breaking off their kiss.

"I-I love you," he gasps against her lips, his breath harsh, stuttering, "I have always loved you- longer than you ever knew."

There is a rawness to his words that Amy can't help revel in. When the rest of the world sees Ian Kabra, they see a cool, polished - almost haughty- exterior: a marble facade. But now, Amy sees all that come undone, revealing a real man made of flesh and blood and dreams, as he begs for the love she never knew she had within her.

But now, she knows.

"Ian," she whispers when he pulls back to look at her, as if he can't get enough of her. His lips are red and his eyes are glazed over, but they seem to pierce through her very being. "I love you too.” A lone tear slides down her cheek for what was, and for what can never be.

For a moment, his eyes are blazing, and everything seems to flare with love and lust and unspoken longing built up over  _ years _ -

And his lips descend on hers once more, and all is lost.

She knows this is the one night they will have together, and that it will be the first and the last time, as dawn breaks once more, in all its harshness.

These days, the world around them seems to move in slow motion, as if they are heading towards inevitable oblivion, and there's nothing they can do to stop it.

But with him... with him she feels more alive than she has felt in a long time.

Perhaps it's wrong for your happiness to rely solely on one person, but she can't help it. With him, she feels like she's drowning in own desires, and yet flying, soaring-

-Because he moves her. She has long since realized this, but now she sees the truth, because all these years, she's been so blind.

He moves her. He touches her very soul.

And  _ oh _ , how sweet his touches are.

And now, as she is pressed against a bookcase, his hands, rough yet gentle, tracing dizzying circles on her thigh, higher and higher, his lips crashing down on hers after she confessed her love for him, the way he gasps out her own name like a sinner's last prayer, she knows that there is no place she'd rather be than in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on the famous library scene in "Atonement". I was going for something along the lines of the Vespers debacle occurring when they're adults, and Amy and Ian truly do think it's the end of the world and have to reconcile their feelings for each other before it's too late.


End file.
